OMG! OH MY GOD! OOOOHHHH MMMYYY GOOOOODDDD!!! It’s Taylor. No doubt those are the words of many a Twihard when they see their favourite werewolf (or whatever the hell he is) in Abduction.

I also say OH MY GOD!!! But not for the same reasons. In a pea-sized nutshell, Abduction follows the story of a one time werewolf, sorry, young man, who sets out to uncover the truth about his life after finding a baby photo on a missing persons website. So he sets off on this “action adventure” of a quest kicking butt as he goes etc.

The story doesn’t matter here at all, because you’re going to spend most of your time, cringing at the screen. You may as well have a stopwatch out to time how long it takes for Lautner to get his shirt off. At least you can pass the time.

There are very few great action heroes. Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, Smith and even the Rock. But Lautner is not even in the same universe, because when he starts to kick butt it is cringetastic. Take the little fracas on a train. Even though there is some nice camera work, the whole thing seems incredibly forced and false, and is primarily let down by Lautner’s clunky and fake performance. He’s just not got the look for a badass. And if he has any sense, he should avoid the action genre completely.

I could go on, but I’m not going to waste anymore of your time reading this review and you shouldn’t waste any time going to see this pile of clunky and pointless cash in on the whole Twilight werewolf actor thing. Rubbish!